Why Him?
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: [YagyuuxNiou, one-sided KiriharaxNiou] Kirihara PoV. He wants Niou, doesn't know why -- and he can't have him.


A/N: It's a Niou birthday fic! From Kirihara's PoV! Well, my original idea went down the crapper, so I guess Niou-kun will have to settle for this. Le sigh.

Kirihara didn't like feeling jealous. In fact, he hated it, and found himself wishing that he could just kill something and be done with it. He'd been told that violence wasn't the answer, but there was only one person he needed to kill, really -- after that, everything would be just fine.

It didn't help that he had to see that person every day at practice, and that every day he had to watch him be the slimy bastard that he was. It didn't help that he walked in on him sometimes, doing disgusting things with Niou -- didn't help that he wanted to be the disgusting one, and wanted Niou to do things to him --

And it was just so frustrating that he had to hide his hatred, and couldn't resort to killing Yagyuu to make himself feel better.

Niou would have been better off without Yagyuu, but Kirihara doubted if he felt that way. If he had, then he wouldn't have been with Yagyuu in the first place. Niou wasn't the type who would waste his time with things that he didn't care about.

Yagyuu must have tricked him, somehow.

That was what Kirihara told himself, anyway. He hoped that one day, Niou would realize what an asshole Yagyuu really was, and at that time Kirihara would definitely make his move -- if he could get the courage before then, somehow.

Kirihara had walked in on Niou and Yagyuu in the clubhouse too many times for his own comfort. It wasn't like it happened on a regular basis, but it had happened more than once; and each time, it left him with nightmares.

Or really good dreams, depending.

Once, he walked in on them having a conversation; he'd stayed to hear that one, after making sure that they didn't know he was there. He wanted to know what they talked about; wanted to know what was so great about Yagyuu that Niou would want to stay with him.

"Do you give a damn about anything, Yagyuu?" Niou asked. He sounded angry; Kirihara wondered what about.

"One or two things, Niou-kun."

Kirihara wondered if one of those things was Niou; he doubted it, though. Maybe Niou had finally realized that Yagyuu wasn't good enough for him --

"I don't believe you."

Kirihara dared to hope --

"Does it bother you, Niou-kun?"

"Not really," Niou replied. Kirihara's hopes were crushed, and he wondered -- why did Niou put up with it? Why would Niou settle for less than he deserved?

Kirihara wondered -- why did it bother him so much? When had he become so fixated on Niou? It didn't really make any sense -- but there it was.

"What are you scowling about?" Niou asked. Kirihara almost jumped out of his skin. He hadn't notice Niou's arrival, because he'd been too intent on glaring at Yagyuu's back.

"Nothing," Kirihara replied. "I'm not scowling."

"Oh really?"

"Shut up."

"Someone's in a bad mood."

"It will be worse if you don't leave me alone," Kirihara warned. He cursed his inability to talk to Niou the way he wanted to; cursed his inability to express himself to anyone important.

"I just wanted to know how my favorite first year is enjoying high school," Niou said. "Is that any reason to get mad at him?"

"If it's you, yes."

"When did you develop such a bad attitude?" Niou was obviously amused, and it just made Kirihara more angry; why didn't Niou take him seriously? Even if Niou hated him for his pissy attitude, at least that would have meant that he actually cared -- but no, Niou would never care about him; he'd care about the asshole Yagyuu instead.

"I've always had this attitude," Kirihara said. "Now piss off."

To Kirihara's dismay, Niou did just that; laughing as he went. He really needed to give up on Niou -- but he'd been obsessing since his second year of junior high, and he'd probably continue to obsess until his last year of high school. Maybe even after that, who knew?

He didn't know why Niou -- but even more than that, he didn't understand why Yagyuu.

Kirihara walked in on the end of an argument, just in time to see Niou punch Yagyuu squarely in the face. Yagyuu recovered quickly, and returned the favor; Niou fell on his ass on the clubroom floor, and rubbed his jaw while Yagyuu stormed passed Kirihara and out the door.

"What the hell was that about?" Kirihara demanded.

"We had a difference of opinion," Niou replied. "It's not a big deal, really. It happens all the time."

"You let him hit you all the time?"

"I did hit him first," Niou said, with a laugh. "You have to be fair."

"Why do you look so calm about it?" If it had been Kirihara in that position, he would have chased Yagyuu out the door and beaten him into a bloody pulp -- but Kirihara wasn't Niou, and even though he obsessed over him, he really didn't understand him.

"I told you, it happens all the time. It's just the way we are."

"It seems like bullshit to me."

"I didn't know you cared," Niou teased. If he'd known just how much, he probably wouldn't have said anything. Kirihara almost felt like crying. Instead, he settled for making a faint growling noise, and turning his back on Niou.

"You shouldn't be with him, if that's the way it is," he said.

"What do you know about us?" Niou asked. "Things are fine the way they are, trust me."

Kirihara thought he could probably trust Niou with his life -- but he didn't trust Niou about this.

"He's not worth it," he said. He couldn't help it -- he'd had to see this for far too long.

"What?"

"He's not worth it. You should just give it up."

"Are you jealous?" Again, if Niou had realized just how true those words were, he might have been surprised --

"Damn it. Just get rid of him," Kirihara snarled. "He's not good enough for you."

"Kirihara --"

"I'm going," Kirihara said, and he left.

Kirihara knew that Niou wouldn't take his advice; Niou didn't understand why he'd given it. Even if he'd understood, he probably would have laughed it off; Niou was just that way.

Kirihara wondered if Niou would laugh at him if he bothered to confess. Niou wasn't cruel -- but would he have even taken it seriously? He rarely took Kirihara seriously.

Kirihara just wanted it out in the open. He wanted Niou to know so that he would be able to tell Niou why Yagyuu wasn't good enough for him -- why he thought that Niou would be so much better off without him.

The second time Kirihara walked in on Niou seated on the floor rubbing his jaw, he was so angry that he could barely breathe.

"He did it again," he said.

"Yeah." Niou shrugged. "I guess I pissed him off."

"Why?" Kirihara demanded. "Why do you bother to stay with that asshole?"

"We get along."

"You get along. That really explains the bruise on your face."

"Why does it bother you so much?" Niou demanded. "This is the second lecture you've given me, and I still don't get it."

"You idiot." Kirihara couldn't take it anymore. He kissed Niou, as hard as he could; kissed him until he couldn't breathe anymore. He didn't know how to kiss, he'd never done it before; he didn't care if it was a bad kiss, because he knew that Niou was only going to laugh it off after, anyway.

When Kirihara pulled back, and was about to run away, Niou grabbed his wrist and held him in place.

"I had no idea," he said. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you already have him, anyway," Kirihara said, "Even if he's not good enough for you."

"Kirihara --"

"And I know you're not going to give him up, so I don't want to hear it," Kirihara growled. "Just forget about this."

Niou let go, and Kirihara left him alone again; went to wander home alone, wondering why the world was the way it was.


End file.
